The gift that keeps on giving
Our beliefs shape our thoughts, emotions, and actions, often without us realizing their origin. Like algorithms that influence our online choices, our experiences create a "belief algorithm" in our subconscious, formed by everyone from family to strangers.
A Tale of Two Beliefs
To share an example of what this could look like, I think of an experience I had with an old friend of mine. As two ladies under 5'3" we were usually among the shortest in the room. My friend, for as long as I knew her, was really focused on making up for this perceived shortcoming. She was obsessed with coming across with strength and power, and hyper-fixated on every detail of her dress, her speech, her interactions with others.
Conversely, I barely thought about my height, and one day I was genuinely curious why she was so preoccupied with this. Maybe I had missed some important memo and I should be working harder to make up for it. Then she told me it stemmed from her parents - they told her it makes her look weaker and more vulnerable compared to bigger or taller people. That this belief was from early childhood gave me pause, as it was one of the first times I realized how our beliefs dictate our lived experience. As I shared with her, I also remember having conversations about my height with my dad, but to a much different tune. In fact, my dad explicitly told me it was of great benefit that I was "petite," as he called me, saying it would be easy for me to stand out for my personality since he believed, anecdotally, that the shorter you are the bigger your presence.
Now is this totally true for everyone who ever existed? Definitely not, but thanks to him I never thought twice about not making it beyond 5'2" - in fact I assumed this whole time it was helping me.
Whether it’s objectively true or not doesn’t matter - I believed it was helping me just like I believed it wasn’t anything I needed to afford my time or attention, whereas for my friend it was critical to her that she addressed it. Over time I learned more about how our beliefs are shaped and reinforced, and when I decided to change my life it began with owning my beliefs, and taking radical responsibility for reshaping the ones hidden deep beneath the surface that were blocking me from going where I wanted to go.
A fun thought exercise for you: Identify one easy and one challenging area in your life. Notice how your beliefs and expectations contribute to the ease or difficulty. For the challenge, repeatedly ask yourself "why?" to uncover the underlying beliefs. Once you've revealed these you can decide if you want to keep them, edit them, or delete.
